Transwomyn

I am a transwomyn.

I am the womyn that both cisgender womyn and men alike feel that they have the right to gawk at. As if my body is always on display to their stares and amusements, but if I stare back suddenly I am an intruder and told that it is rude to stare. To these people I am not seen as human, but as a piece of meat walking around to observe, for lack of a better term.

I am the womyn that people see as a freak, because I was born with a cock and have experience living as a man. Society doesn't know where to put me, so they lash out and hate me for who I am. They expect me to conform to their ways of thinking. Some of my trans sisters are in agreement with them. Both sides want me to fit in that nice little box setup for womyn in our society. I refuse. I DID NOT do this to go from one box to the other!

I am the womyn that is thrown under the bus whenever battles over civil rights are involved. I am the "concession" that has to be made so that another group can move up in the world, while I go nowhere. People promise to bring me with......eventually once they have made it. Then MAYBE they'll help despite the fact that I, and others like me, have been fighting for THEIR rights all the time! And that all oppression is connected.

I am the womyn that way back when, and some today, feminists spat on as just "men trying to get into womyn's places." I'll admit that I experienced forms of male privilege in my life. I lived as a male for 16 years so of course I did. Seeing that has only made me more a feminist today then anything else. I gave it up to be the person that is writing this. I never wanted it in the first place.

I am the womyn people hate because I challenge their assumptions about what it is to be male or female. Instead of talking to me or going on and doing research it is just easier to get mad. Humans get violent at what they don't understand. Why is that? Why do we reach for hate so easily? Confusing things are scary it is true, but why do we turn to violence when those things come up? If it is just "human nature" than this world is already screwed. I don't believe it is human nature. I believe society has taught us the idea to look down on others below them. I don't think the early men and womyn of the earth gave a flying fuck about who was below them, they just wanted to survive.

I am the womyn that had to make the hardest choice of her life when she was 16. Live as the womyn I knew I was or die. The third "option" of living as a male was to horrible to think about. I would rather die than live as something I wasn't. Still people try to push me into something that I am not fully comfortable with. I don't fit in those either box, never have never will.

At the time it was really hard to choose. I knew on a basic level what my life would be like if I transitioned. I knew I would be hated by some. There were moments where I thought I wouldn't be able to go on. I choose to live then because I had a father and friends that loved me dearly and I started to see a light at the end of the long tunnel that was my life. Its been 4 years now. The light gets closer and closer, not sure when I'll catch it, but I know I will.

I am a womyn who has probably done more self reflecting than most people do in their entire life. Comes with the package. In order to decide to make such a radical change ONE better make sure that it is what they truly want because after a certain point theres no going back. Most people don't have to wake up with the struggle of what gender they are. Most people wake up and that is one thing they don't have to think about.

I am the womyn who chose life over death. Who chose to fight rather than give in. Who will continue fighting her heart out because if she stops....the people who hate her win. I am beyond drained, tired and burned the fuck out, I lapped them probably about 100 times by now, but I still go on. Stopping isn't an option. I don't like that stopping isn't an option, but its true. I need to be the change I wish to see in the world as Gandhi said.

I am the womyn who goes on no matter how much society beats her, puts her down, and spits on her. I refuse to let society at large win. Refuse to let them beat me. I refuse to stop fighting. I have my own issues and through fighting this battle, I have begun to work some of them out. That is the other reason I mustn't and CAN'T stop fighting.