In a world full of oppression, people don't seem to understand the concept that ALL oppression is connected. That one can NOT separate oppression of queer (for my sake Queer means LGBTQQAAI) people or people of color, or the mentally/physically disabled, or women's oppression (yes, it still exist folks), or even the white straight male ally that exists, and any other from of oppression that exists in this cruel and hateful world that we live in. Some people ask why this separation DOESN'T work? It doesn't work for the simple reason that in everyone of those individual groups, there is AT LEAST one if not more, people who fit into another.
There are cisgender women of color, who are also gay and disabled in some way. There are cisgender men of color, who are trans, gay and disabled. There is the physically disabled person who is trans, gay and a person of color. There are even those white cisgender straight men who are disabled and allies to the other communities. The list of possible combinations is ENDLESS! How people identify is also important.People who aren't white may focus on the fact the are oppressed simply for what the color of their skin is, then the fact they are women and then the queer aspect. What is important to them in terms of identity is a big factor to how they respond.
Right now the way it works is we split people up into groups and say they all need to fend for themselves and there really isn't any connection. In fact these groups are very often divided because they don't see representation in each other. People of color don't see themselves really in the queer community because they don't feel that the queer community doesn't meet their needs as people of color so they don't join even if they are queer or an ally to the community. Groups don't reach out to each other and it is dividing us.
There seems to be an attitude that people in these groups need to advocate for themselves and come to the individual groups setup to do tell them their needs. The problem is that when someone doesn't see their issues or needs from a group, they tend to think they aren't going to be heard. When a group doesn't reach out to them and say "Hey! We want this to be safe place for you too", then those people aren't going to come because they feel they are wasting their breathe and time. Why go to an event/club/organization if you feel you wont be heard?!? Honestly, that is how I am feeling about the one of the queer organizations on my college campus.
The organization doesn't reach out, isn't very inclusive to some of the people in the queer community or people of color, and with the current leaders for next semester I honestly don't see that changing. As someone who is trans I don't feel like they give a damn about my issues. I ran for the one of the open positions and told them that I wanted to make the organization more trans inclusive, because right now we really just ignore trans people and allies as well and we shouldn't. After I finished I pretty much got GRILLED! I got question after question after question about specifics when the other two candidates really got nothing. They got maybe two or three questions apiece and then I got up and was answering them for like 10 - 15 minutes. I brought up issues and ideas that generally people agreed where good and yet...I didn't get elected. So, apparently I have good ideas, but not good enough to be one of the leaders. World you continue to make no sense to me, I'm use to it but WTF!!! I have pretty much decided not to go that organization next semester. I don't feel like my voice will be heard at all with the majority of the new leaders. The organization handles things in exactly the wrong.
Until we stop trying to separate out different oppressions and realize that we are all in this fight together, we will NEVER have full equality for all! EVERY oppressed group needs to realize that we all fighting the same thing. The focus maybe a little different, but the idea is the same. We will NEVER win if we continue to fight amongst ourselves and be separate and be EXCLUSIVE to one cause. We all have to band together and fight. ALL groups reach out to anybody who is oppressed that you may not be focusing on right now and invite them in. Show them that you care and are willing to join the fight in their struggles, then, AND ONLY then will we begin to tear down society and make it more equal! Until then what we will continue to be DIVIDED and make little to no progress.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Did I know him at all?!?
I once knew a kid that was like a brother to me. We laughed, played and cried together. I told him of my decision to transition and he said "Hey man, I'll always be your friend." He told me things about his life that I very much doubt a lot of people know. Secrets that I will take with me to my grave because that was between me and him and no one else needs to know, but I'm getting ahead of myself lets back up to when we met.
Now I don't remember things like what the whether was like when we met or how I was feeling that day, I only remember that we met when we were both in 3rd grade. He was a new student and I had only been there half a year and knew how hard it was to be the new kid. Me and another friend decided that we wanted to try to be friends with him. So we both started talking. That was the beginning of our trio. The three us would do EVERYTHING together. Whenever I wanted to hang out with people, they were the ones I called. If one couldn't, the other, most of the time, could and so we would hang out. It helped that we lived with in walking distance of each other. As time went on, I got extremely close to the new kid.
We would very often be up late at his house or mine a lot of the time playing video games or just hanging and talking or sometimes both. These were the times when he would tell me about his life. How uncaring his mother was, how much he wished he lived with his dad who did legit love him. These conversations left me feeling lucky that I lived with a parent that loved and cared for me deeply. I felt loved when I got home, he didn't. To this day my biggest pet peeve our parents that don't give a FUCK about their kids. That don't make an effort to show some interest in what is going on in their lives. *sigh*. As all friends do, we had our disagreements.
There was one time we got in a fight. What the fight was about I can't remember, something stupid like most fights, and we didn't talk to each other for almost a month. Finally, he broke the silence and said he was sorry. I said I was sorry too and the hatchet was buried and we went back to being friends again. Rumors about him would always find away to my ears.
Rumors that he was abusive to women. That he even rapped women. Very serious accusations to be sure, but the "rumors" never came directly from the survivor, but rather from a friend of a friend. So, I did what I thought was right and just shrugged it off until I heard it directly from a survivor. I never really thought it would happen. I didn't really expect it too and plus my he was my bestfriend.
After all we had been through together I wasn't about to end that based on a rumor. I realize I'm rationalizing this. Perhaps I didn't believe it because I didn't want to believe that I would make such an error in judgement. I have always prided myself on picking my friends wisely, maybe I didn't want to think I had made a mistake. If I accepted those rumors as truths I would also have to accept the fact that I didn't know everything about my bestfriend. That maybe I didn't know who he was at all and he just put on a show for me all those years. Whatever the reason, I did eventually get the tale right out of the horses mouth.
1 day before spring break my senior year of high school, the friend who helped me figure out my gender issues came to me and told me the story of how my bestfriend raped him. They way he told me was through notes, TOTALLY high school, that we passed in study hall. I kept them all. Now the survivor is an ftm and this happened while he was living as a girl. He said he didn't want this to affect my relationship with my bestfriend, but how could it not? Cut to me being so upset that I could barely function. Teachers became worried, cause when the happy go lucky girl is suddenly upset in a small school, teachers TEND to notice. The survivor eventually calmed down enough to allow me to enjoy my spring break.
I was able to but the whole thing on the back burner and not let it affect me to much. I was unsure what to do about my bestfriend, wasn't sure whether I wanted to be his friend anymore, but I couldn't just stop acting like his friend without him wondering. So, I did the only thing I thought I could do and that was keep everything normal between us. I needed to time to think about what I wanted to do. A few weeks later, the survivor got angry at me for doing this.
He claimed that I seemed like I was OK with what happened to him. I SO WASN'T, but he felt like I was. I went to him and asked him what he wanted me to do. I was at a loss. I felt like I was damned either way I went. If I continued to be friends with my bestfriend, the survivor would be mad and if I stopped being friends with my bestfriend all those years of history would be for nothing. He told me he didn't know what he wanted me to do. Cut to me being a wreck again.
I told my dad all about what was going on and he was at loss too. He saw how hard this was for me and hated that there was nothing he could do. Tears in my eyes, I even asked if I was wrong for still wanting to be friends with my bestfriend and he, very honestly, said: "No you aren't wrong, because you two have been through so much together. Its hard to kill that bond." This didn't really help me, but I loved him for saying it anyway.
The next day at school I managed to explain what was going on to my favorite teacher using person A, B, and C. That way she wasn't required to report since she didn't have names. I fucking love that loop hole sometimes!! After asking a few clarifying questions, pretty sure she KNEW I was person B, the one in the middle, she looked me in the eye and she said "Wow. That sucks and thats hard." She also told me that if I wanted to talk more to come back to her at the end of the day.
I spent the rest of the day trying to figure out what I wanted to do. The survivor didn't want me to tell. My bestfriend didn't know that I knew. I had this information that was killing me and keeping me in a bind. Finally, I decided that for the sake of my sanity, I had to tell. If that sounds selfish I'm sorry, but that is what it came down too. So, bawling my eyes the entire time, I told the teacher. I knew full well that I could lose both friends. The survivor would hate me for telling and my bestfriend wouldn't be to happy in having this to deal with. I would look two-faced in his eyes. I killed myself all that weekend about it, dreading the Monday.
Monday came......and nothing happened. No investigation, no questions for me, NO NOTHING! I killed myself for nothing! I later found out that the reason nothing happened was because the survivor never actually used the word "rape" in the notes. He implied it, but he never said the word. Also the crime was years ago and Wisconsin law says they can't investigate the crime. No evidence. So, the school year ended, I graduated with flying colors and summer came.
Somewhere in the middle of the summer, I decided that I had to tell my bestfriend, who I still thought of as a friend. I decided that I had to tell him in person and so I went over to his house. BIG MISTAKE! I should have just told him online. I went over and told him, waiting for the explosion. It never came. He thanked me for being honest and then got up and sat down next to me on his bed. Then suddenly he just graped me and held me in a bear hug style hug. He stroked my back around the area where my bra clasp was. This sudden movement made me go stiff. My brain blacked out for a few minutes terrified that he was going to try something more. He didn't. I'd like to think he didn't because of our years of friendship, but I'm probably wrong about that. I don't know why he stopped, I'm glad he did, but I do know that he probably could have done more if he wanted to. I was to scared to fight back and he is much bigger than I am. He out grew me in middle school.
Once he finally let go I made an excuse to leave and have only seen him in passing since. This whole issue has made me wonder if I even knew who my ex bestfriend. Were all those years of us hanging out a lie? Was he just putting on a show and was never honest with me? How could I be such a fool? More importantly some part of me still thinks of him as a brother, despite the awkward "hug" at the end there. Am I wrong to feel that? This is probably an issue that, like a lot of others, time will heal and help me solve. The ultimate question for me is: Did I know him at all?!?
Now I don't remember things like what the whether was like when we met or how I was feeling that day, I only remember that we met when we were both in 3rd grade. He was a new student and I had only been there half a year and knew how hard it was to be the new kid. Me and another friend decided that we wanted to try to be friends with him. So we both started talking. That was the beginning of our trio. The three us would do EVERYTHING together. Whenever I wanted to hang out with people, they were the ones I called. If one couldn't, the other, most of the time, could and so we would hang out. It helped that we lived with in walking distance of each other. As time went on, I got extremely close to the new kid.
We would very often be up late at his house or mine a lot of the time playing video games or just hanging and talking or sometimes both. These were the times when he would tell me about his life. How uncaring his mother was, how much he wished he lived with his dad who did legit love him. These conversations left me feeling lucky that I lived with a parent that loved and cared for me deeply. I felt loved when I got home, he didn't. To this day my biggest pet peeve our parents that don't give a FUCK about their kids. That don't make an effort to show some interest in what is going on in their lives. *sigh*. As all friends do, we had our disagreements.
There was one time we got in a fight. What the fight was about I can't remember, something stupid like most fights, and we didn't talk to each other for almost a month. Finally, he broke the silence and said he was sorry. I said I was sorry too and the hatchet was buried and we went back to being friends again. Rumors about him would always find away to my ears.
Rumors that he was abusive to women. That he even rapped women. Very serious accusations to be sure, but the "rumors" never came directly from the survivor, but rather from a friend of a friend. So, I did what I thought was right and just shrugged it off until I heard it directly from a survivor. I never really thought it would happen. I didn't really expect it too and plus my he was my bestfriend.
After all we had been through together I wasn't about to end that based on a rumor. I realize I'm rationalizing this. Perhaps I didn't believe it because I didn't want to believe that I would make such an error in judgement. I have always prided myself on picking my friends wisely, maybe I didn't want to think I had made a mistake. If I accepted those rumors as truths I would also have to accept the fact that I didn't know everything about my bestfriend. That maybe I didn't know who he was at all and he just put on a show for me all those years. Whatever the reason, I did eventually get the tale right out of the horses mouth.
1 day before spring break my senior year of high school, the friend who helped me figure out my gender issues came to me and told me the story of how my bestfriend raped him. They way he told me was through notes, TOTALLY high school, that we passed in study hall. I kept them all. Now the survivor is an ftm and this happened while he was living as a girl. He said he didn't want this to affect my relationship with my bestfriend, but how could it not? Cut to me being so upset that I could barely function. Teachers became worried, cause when the happy go lucky girl is suddenly upset in a small school, teachers TEND to notice. The survivor eventually calmed down enough to allow me to enjoy my spring break.
I was able to but the whole thing on the back burner and not let it affect me to much. I was unsure what to do about my bestfriend, wasn't sure whether I wanted to be his friend anymore, but I couldn't just stop acting like his friend without him wondering. So, I did the only thing I thought I could do and that was keep everything normal between us. I needed to time to think about what I wanted to do. A few weeks later, the survivor got angry at me for doing this.
He claimed that I seemed like I was OK with what happened to him. I SO WASN'T, but he felt like I was. I went to him and asked him what he wanted me to do. I was at a loss. I felt like I was damned either way I went. If I continued to be friends with my bestfriend, the survivor would be mad and if I stopped being friends with my bestfriend all those years of history would be for nothing. He told me he didn't know what he wanted me to do. Cut to me being a wreck again.
I told my dad all about what was going on and he was at loss too. He saw how hard this was for me and hated that there was nothing he could do. Tears in my eyes, I even asked if I was wrong for still wanting to be friends with my bestfriend and he, very honestly, said: "No you aren't wrong, because you two have been through so much together. Its hard to kill that bond." This didn't really help me, but I loved him for saying it anyway.
The next day at school I managed to explain what was going on to my favorite teacher using person A, B, and C. That way she wasn't required to report since she didn't have names. I fucking love that loop hole sometimes!! After asking a few clarifying questions, pretty sure she KNEW I was person B, the one in the middle, she looked me in the eye and she said "Wow. That sucks and thats hard." She also told me that if I wanted to talk more to come back to her at the end of the day.
I spent the rest of the day trying to figure out what I wanted to do. The survivor didn't want me to tell. My bestfriend didn't know that I knew. I had this information that was killing me and keeping me in a bind. Finally, I decided that for the sake of my sanity, I had to tell. If that sounds selfish I'm sorry, but that is what it came down too. So, bawling my eyes the entire time, I told the teacher. I knew full well that I could lose both friends. The survivor would hate me for telling and my bestfriend wouldn't be to happy in having this to deal with. I would look two-faced in his eyes. I killed myself all that weekend about it, dreading the Monday.
Monday came......and nothing happened. No investigation, no questions for me, NO NOTHING! I killed myself for nothing! I later found out that the reason nothing happened was because the survivor never actually used the word "rape" in the notes. He implied it, but he never said the word. Also the crime was years ago and Wisconsin law says they can't investigate the crime. No evidence. So, the school year ended, I graduated with flying colors and summer came.
Somewhere in the middle of the summer, I decided that I had to tell my bestfriend, who I still thought of as a friend. I decided that I had to tell him in person and so I went over to his house. BIG MISTAKE! I should have just told him online. I went over and told him, waiting for the explosion. It never came. He thanked me for being honest and then got up and sat down next to me on his bed. Then suddenly he just graped me and held me in a bear hug style hug. He stroked my back around the area where my bra clasp was. This sudden movement made me go stiff. My brain blacked out for a few minutes terrified that he was going to try something more. He didn't. I'd like to think he didn't because of our years of friendship, but I'm probably wrong about that. I don't know why he stopped, I'm glad he did, but I do know that he probably could have done more if he wanted to. I was to scared to fight back and he is much bigger than I am. He out grew me in middle school.
Once he finally let go I made an excuse to leave and have only seen him in passing since. This whole issue has made me wonder if I even knew who my ex bestfriend. Were all those years of us hanging out a lie? Was he just putting on a show and was never honest with me? How could I be such a fool? More importantly some part of me still thinks of him as a brother, despite the awkward "hug" at the end there. Am I wrong to feel that? This is probably an issue that, like a lot of others, time will heal and help me solve. The ultimate question for me is: Did I know him at all?!?
Monday, May 3, 2010
Buffy the Vampire Slayer vs Angel
CAUTION: THE FOLLOWING MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR EVERYONE WHO HASN'T WATCH EITHER BUFFY OR ANGEL! PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK!
A conversation with a friend has inspired me to compare and contrast the TV shows Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, both by Joss Whedon. This is a debate that Joss Whedon fans have had since both shows hit the air ways. Buffy came first and Angel was a spin-off using the character Angel a vampire with a soul, as the lead character. The debate will never end cause different people have different tastes in shows. However, since I am in the mood and since this is my blog, I have decided to give my two-cents, for what its worth, on this debate.
Now since both shows are written by Joss Whedon, both have there good points and I will state each shows good points, as I see them, as well as their bad points. I will start with Angel.
Pros for Angel:
1. Good development of Cordy and Wes, two already known characters from Buffy. Cordy becoming part demon and Wes's journey into darkness were both incredible!
2. Seasons 4 and 5 are incredible! Very dark and dig far into different issues. These two seasons got me invested. Sadly they are the last two.
3. The show gave the world Fred aka Winifred, Lorne and Gunn three AMAZING heroes.
4. Wolfram and Hart the law firm that is the big bad throughout the ENTIRE show. Specifically Lilah and Lindsey. Thus proving my theory that lawyers are at the center of evil ;)
5. Very dark at times especially seasons 4 and 5.
6. Interesting idea to have a vampire get pregnant. Sorta forced at times, but still interesting.
7. Connor's story was also very interesting. A lot of people hate Connor, but he had
a very interesting idea behind him and the actor played the role VERY well!
I can't think of anymore pros for Angel. So, on to the cons.
Cons for Angel:
1. To traditional strong male hero saves "weak" "defenseless" female. Seemed far too men are strong women are weak for me. I was surprised Whedon did it that way.
2. Seasons 1-3 were an absolute SNOOZE FEST! To action hero-y and not enough story telling.
3. Not enough development of the main character. Angel started as a brooding vampire with a soul, he ended as a BROODING VAMPIRE WITH A SOUL!
4. Not enough flaws in the main character. He always seemed to be on the side of right in the show.
4. Not enough new hero characters added. Fred, Gunn, and Lorne are the only three brand new heroes added to the show that stay longer than a season, Doyle is excluded because of that.
5. Some of the best episodes involved already established characters from Buffy like Faith. Sorry, but a good show wouldn't have to rely so heavily on characters from another show.
6. Darla was extremely under used. They had a chance to make the show interesting when they brought her on, but didn't use her for shit! Darla is not included in 5 because she wasn't well established in Buffy
7. Ending of season 4 failed to deliver on how good that season was. The rest of the season 4 was EXCELLENT with Dark Cordy and everything, but then they ruined it by doing the Jasmine story line XD! They should have done their original idea with the final battle being between Cordy and Angel.
8. Gave the world Holtz quite possibly the dumbest bad guy ever! He was so boring! Didn't really do anything. At first I liked the idea, but they failed to really go anywhere with it and the end was obvious.
9. The relationships seemed very forced/didn't make sense. Fred and Gunn comes to mind here. I like the idea of having an interracial couple, but this just felt forced and the actors had no spark on screen. Angel and Cordy would have made sense HAD they done anything with it! Lilah and Wes made sense as well, even though it really shouldn't have! They got it right with Fred and Wes at the end though, I'll admit that.
10. Over all the big bads of the show FAILED! Wolfram and Hart/The Senior Partners and Evil Cordy are the exceptions to that. If I don't buy into the big bads, I don't care if the hero wins!
11. When Buffy came on to the show the writing for her was terrible! Buffy isn't Buffy when she comes on Angel. Not sure who she is, but its not the character from the BtSV. The epically failed to give her good writing. Pissed me off!
Can't think of anymore cons for Angel, on to Buffy!
Pros for Buffy:
1. Very female centered. The women had the power it is a refreshing change from the typical hero show. Men where much more the sidekicks.
2. The core four of the Scooby Gang all had their flaws. Buffy had flaws, just because she was the main hero, doesn't mean that she is perfect. She hides Angel from the gang when she knows he is back. Willow went way to far into magicks. Xander has commitment issues and is a bit jealous of Angel in the early seasons. Giles kills an innocent and tries to trick Buffy.
3. The big bads, while evil, aren't always wrong. The Mayor and Faith for instance call Buffy and Angel on somethings. The Mayor focus on their relationship, while Faith focuses on Buffy's idea of what being the slayer is.
4. The Big Bads are just cool! Right down the list in the show, the Big Bads are just so cool and very well written and acted. This includes development and back stories they are excellent. Adam, in season 4, is the exception.
5. The relationships are just amazing and believable. They all make sense and the actors have incredible sparks on screen! Willow and Tara is of course my favorite ^_^, but even Kennedy and Willow makes sense in my opinion. Faith and Robin are a great interracial couple that works!
6. Buffy doesn't end up with a man! It is classic for a female lead to end up with a partner, typically a male, at the end of show, Buffy does NOT! She is single at the end of the show. I love that part!
7. The center theme of the journey of self discovery in the show. All the younger core of the scoobie gang, and to a lesser extent Giles too, are trying to figure how they fit into the crazy world as well as who they are. A theme anyone can relate too.
8. Not clearly black and white. Right and wrong really aren't labeled in the show. Vampires and demons aren't bad just because they are vamps and demons. When Giles kills Ben in order to kill Glory, they never say he did the right thing or the wrong thing. Morals are very muddied in Buffy with no real clear answerers.
9. Season 6. Words can't express how much I love this season! I have and will always argue that season 6 is about love and the power of love. Everything happens in this season because of love. It is also SO dark, creepy and gives us Spuffy (aka Spike and Buffy). My favorite of the the character Buffy's relationships.
10. The idea of fighting as a community. Buffy very often needs the help of her friends and can't do it on her own. The show argues that this is very often the best route to go with, especially in season 4 when the Initiative, a military site, gets its ass kicked because one man is calling th shots and doesn't listen to Buffy and her friends.
Ok, I think thats enough to get my point across, and I can't think of any more. On to the cons!
Cons for Buffy:
1. Gave the world Riley Finn. Epically failed as a relationship for Buffy he was threated by a strong women. EPIC FAIL!
2. Gave the world Adam. The worst Buffy villain EVER! The idea of Buffy fighting the first man was cool, but the actor failed to do a good job.
Those are really about the only two things that I dislike about Buffy.
So, in case you couldn't guess which one I like better, what are you living under a rock? The answer is BUFFY! I feel I have explained my reasoning well enough and I am tried of typing.
Bye everyone!
A conversation with a friend has inspired me to compare and contrast the TV shows Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, both by Joss Whedon. This is a debate that Joss Whedon fans have had since both shows hit the air ways. Buffy came first and Angel was a spin-off using the character Angel a vampire with a soul, as the lead character. The debate will never end cause different people have different tastes in shows. However, since I am in the mood and since this is my blog, I have decided to give my two-cents, for what its worth, on this debate.
Now since both shows are written by Joss Whedon, both have there good points and I will state each shows good points, as I see them, as well as their bad points. I will start with Angel.
Pros for Angel:
1. Good development of Cordy and Wes, two already known characters from Buffy. Cordy becoming part demon and Wes's journey into darkness were both incredible!
2. Seasons 4 and 5 are incredible! Very dark and dig far into different issues. These two seasons got me invested. Sadly they are the last two.
3. The show gave the world Fred aka Winifred, Lorne and Gunn three AMAZING heroes.
4. Wolfram and Hart the law firm that is the big bad throughout the ENTIRE show. Specifically Lilah and Lindsey. Thus proving my theory that lawyers are at the center of evil ;)
5. Very dark at times especially seasons 4 and 5.
6. Interesting idea to have a vampire get pregnant. Sorta forced at times, but still interesting.
7. Connor's story was also very interesting. A lot of people hate Connor, but he had
a very interesting idea behind him and the actor played the role VERY well!
I can't think of anymore pros for Angel. So, on to the cons.
Cons for Angel:
1. To traditional strong male hero saves "weak" "defenseless" female. Seemed far too men are strong women are weak for me. I was surprised Whedon did it that way.
2. Seasons 1-3 were an absolute SNOOZE FEST! To action hero-y and not enough story telling.
3. Not enough development of the main character. Angel started as a brooding vampire with a soul, he ended as a BROODING VAMPIRE WITH A SOUL!
4. Not enough flaws in the main character. He always seemed to be on the side of right in the show.
4. Not enough new hero characters added. Fred, Gunn, and Lorne are the only three brand new heroes added to the show that stay longer than a season, Doyle is excluded because of that.
5. Some of the best episodes involved already established characters from Buffy like Faith. Sorry, but a good show wouldn't have to rely so heavily on characters from another show.
6. Darla was extremely under used. They had a chance to make the show interesting when they brought her on, but didn't use her for shit! Darla is not included in 5 because she wasn't well established in Buffy
7. Ending of season 4 failed to deliver on how good that season was. The rest of the season 4 was EXCELLENT with Dark Cordy and everything, but then they ruined it by doing the Jasmine story line XD! They should have done their original idea with the final battle being between Cordy and Angel.
8. Gave the world Holtz quite possibly the dumbest bad guy ever! He was so boring! Didn't really do anything. At first I liked the idea, but they failed to really go anywhere with it and the end was obvious.
9. The relationships seemed very forced/didn't make sense. Fred and Gunn comes to mind here. I like the idea of having an interracial couple, but this just felt forced and the actors had no spark on screen. Angel and Cordy would have made sense HAD they done anything with it! Lilah and Wes made sense as well, even though it really shouldn't have! They got it right with Fred and Wes at the end though, I'll admit that.
10. Over all the big bads of the show FAILED! Wolfram and Hart/The Senior Partners and Evil Cordy are the exceptions to that. If I don't buy into the big bads, I don't care if the hero wins!
11. When Buffy came on to the show the writing for her was terrible! Buffy isn't Buffy when she comes on Angel. Not sure who she is, but its not the character from the BtSV. The epically failed to give her good writing. Pissed me off!
Can't think of anymore cons for Angel, on to Buffy!
Pros for Buffy:
1. Very female centered. The women had the power it is a refreshing change from the typical hero show. Men where much more the sidekicks.
2. The core four of the Scooby Gang all had their flaws. Buffy had flaws, just because she was the main hero, doesn't mean that she is perfect. She hides Angel from the gang when she knows he is back. Willow went way to far into magicks. Xander has commitment issues and is a bit jealous of Angel in the early seasons. Giles kills an innocent and tries to trick Buffy.
3. The big bads, while evil, aren't always wrong. The Mayor and Faith for instance call Buffy and Angel on somethings. The Mayor focus on their relationship, while Faith focuses on Buffy's idea of what being the slayer is.
4. The Big Bads are just cool! Right down the list in the show, the Big Bads are just so cool and very well written and acted. This includes development and back stories they are excellent. Adam, in season 4, is the exception.
5. The relationships are just amazing and believable. They all make sense and the actors have incredible sparks on screen! Willow and Tara is of course my favorite ^_^, but even Kennedy and Willow makes sense in my opinion. Faith and Robin are a great interracial couple that works!
6. Buffy doesn't end up with a man! It is classic for a female lead to end up with a partner, typically a male, at the end of show, Buffy does NOT! She is single at the end of the show. I love that part!
7. The center theme of the journey of self discovery in the show. All the younger core of the scoobie gang, and to a lesser extent Giles too, are trying to figure how they fit into the crazy world as well as who they are. A theme anyone can relate too.
8. Not clearly black and white. Right and wrong really aren't labeled in the show. Vampires and demons aren't bad just because they are vamps and demons. When Giles kills Ben in order to kill Glory, they never say he did the right thing or the wrong thing. Morals are very muddied in Buffy with no real clear answerers.
9. Season 6. Words can't express how much I love this season! I have and will always argue that season 6 is about love and the power of love. Everything happens in this season because of love. It is also SO dark, creepy and gives us Spuffy (aka Spike and Buffy). My favorite of the the character Buffy's relationships.
10. The idea of fighting as a community. Buffy very often needs the help of her friends and can't do it on her own. The show argues that this is very often the best route to go with, especially in season 4 when the Initiative, a military site, gets its ass kicked because one man is calling th shots and doesn't listen to Buffy and her friends.
Ok, I think thats enough to get my point across, and I can't think of any more. On to the cons!
Cons for Buffy:
1. Gave the world Riley Finn. Epically failed as a relationship for Buffy he was threated by a strong women. EPIC FAIL!
2. Gave the world Adam. The worst Buffy villain EVER! The idea of Buffy fighting the first man was cool, but the actor failed to do a good job.
Those are really about the only two things that I dislike about Buffy.
So, in case you couldn't guess which one I like better, what are you living under a rock? The answer is BUFFY! I feel I have explained my reasoning well enough and I am tried of typing.
Bye everyone!
Sunday, May 2, 2010
My new favorite song!
So over the weekend two of my lovely friends managed to get me sucked on to Second Life, or SL for short, and NO I will not post my name you want to know ask and I may tell you, and took me exploring to other parts of the game. While at one of these parts, and amazing song that sums up how I feel about the "LGBT" community as whole. The lyrics are below, if you would like listen while reading got this site: http://www.archive.org/details/AnnaRolandAbandonedCities You can also download that album from that site! Spread the word folks! Other than that, going to let the song speak for itself. Enjoy folks! BYES!
Rich, White and Gay Lyrics by Anna Roland
Well, what do you see of the gay mainstream?
Queer eye, queer folk—it’s queer TV.
And you say "oh my goodness look how far we’ve come"
but that all depends on where you’re coming from
chorus:
Yeah, when you say ‘we’
I think i know what you mean
it’s that rich, white, gay and lesbian
so called community
It’s the folks who wanna end housing discrimination
but ban youth shelters in the name of beautification.
Who think their partners should have health coverage to share,
but don’t give a damn ‘bout universal health care.
Who fight in the courts for tougher hate crimes,
but think the racist system is working just fine.
‘Cause it’s OK to haul off to jail the homeless and the youth
people of color, trannys, sex workers too
as long as it’s not people like you
then you can maintain you’re agenda
that benefits the few.
Repeat Chorus
It’s a gay mainstream that votes anti-poor,
as long as civil unions are accounted for.
They don’t seem to see their obvious connections
between race, class, ability, and gender expression.
They don’t think of the black drag queens that battled for us all
hurlin’ high heels at the cops outside of stonewall
when they vote to put more pigs on the streets
and never hear about the people that they beat.
Repeat Chorus
Some true facts about the Human Rights Campaign!
‘Cause the Human Rights Campaign is sponsored by Nike and Coors,
who violate everybody’s rights but yours.
They claim to advocate for queers and trannys
and then don’t write them into nondiscrimination policies.
They even endorsed a republican candidate.
Thanks HRC for bein’ my advocate.
Repeat Chorus
It’s the log cabins, the don’t ask don’t tell.
It’s consumerisms choice demographic to sell.
It’s climbin’ up the ladder leavin’ everyone behind.
It’s the best pecking order capitalism can find.
It’s the upwardly mobile that want to marry.
It’s the strict butch/femme dichotomy.
It’s queers who equate true equality
with straight privilege like shows on TV
as long as the butt of the jokes are still based on misogyny
and the lead roles are straight in reality.
It’s a slap in the face to kioshi
and every other liberation warrior since the sixties
and anyone ever arrested on your street
cuz they might lower the value of your property.
Yeah, when you say we
I think I know what you mean
it’s that rich, white, gay and lesbian so called....
Well it’s not the trannys, it’s not the dykes
it’s not anyone who’s not white
it’s not the whores, not the fags
not asians, latinas, natives, or blacks
it’s not the homeless, the deaf or blind
it’s not fake cocks or chests that bind
it’s not the fat folks, or the freaks
or any combination of any other identity
Except that rich, white, gay
that rich, white, and gay
that rich, white, gay ...
...and sometimes lesbian
so called community.
Rich, White and Gay Lyrics by Anna Roland
Well, what do you see of the gay mainstream?
Queer eye, queer folk—it’s queer TV.
And you say "oh my goodness look how far we’ve come"
but that all depends on where you’re coming from
chorus:
Yeah, when you say ‘we’
I think i know what you mean
it’s that rich, white, gay and lesbian
so called community
It’s the folks who wanna end housing discrimination
but ban youth shelters in the name of beautification.
Who think their partners should have health coverage to share,
but don’t give a damn ‘bout universal health care.
Who fight in the courts for tougher hate crimes,
but think the racist system is working just fine.
‘Cause it’s OK to haul off to jail the homeless and the youth
people of color, trannys, sex workers too
as long as it’s not people like you
then you can maintain you’re agenda
that benefits the few.
Repeat Chorus
It’s a gay mainstream that votes anti-poor,
as long as civil unions are accounted for.
They don’t seem to see their obvious connections
between race, class, ability, and gender expression.
They don’t think of the black drag queens that battled for us all
hurlin’ high heels at the cops outside of stonewall
when they vote to put more pigs on the streets
and never hear about the people that they beat.
Repeat Chorus
Some true facts about the Human Rights Campaign!
‘Cause the Human Rights Campaign is sponsored by Nike and Coors,
who violate everybody’s rights but yours.
They claim to advocate for queers and trannys
and then don’t write them into nondiscrimination policies.
They even endorsed a republican candidate.
Thanks HRC for bein’ my advocate.
Repeat Chorus
It’s the log cabins, the don’t ask don’t tell.
It’s consumerisms choice demographic to sell.
It’s climbin’ up the ladder leavin’ everyone behind.
It’s the best pecking order capitalism can find.
It’s the upwardly mobile that want to marry.
It’s the strict butch/femme dichotomy.
It’s queers who equate true equality
with straight privilege like shows on TV
as long as the butt of the jokes are still based on misogyny
and the lead roles are straight in reality.
It’s a slap in the face to kioshi
and every other liberation warrior since the sixties
and anyone ever arrested on your street
cuz they might lower the value of your property.
Yeah, when you say we
I think I know what you mean
it’s that rich, white, gay and lesbian so called....
Well it’s not the trannys, it’s not the dykes
it’s not anyone who’s not white
it’s not the whores, not the fags
not asians, latinas, natives, or blacks
it’s not the homeless, the deaf or blind
it’s not fake cocks or chests that bind
it’s not the fat folks, or the freaks
or any combination of any other identity
Except that rich, white, gay
that rich, white, and gay
that rich, white, gay ...
...and sometimes lesbian
so called community.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Personal issue
WARNING, WARNING THIS POST CONTAINS INFORMATION THAT IS NOT AT ALL SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN OR ANYONE REALLY. IT GOES FAR FAR FAR INTO THE TMI ZONE SO IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ SOMETHING LIKE THAT RUN AWAY NOW!!! IN FACT I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THAT YOU CLOSE THIS BROWSER NOW AND MAYBE BURN YOUR COMPUTER! CONSIDERED YOURSELF WARNED!!!!!!!! BTW I AM NOT JOKING FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO THINK I AM!!!!!!!!!.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
Alright, for those brave souls that have decided to stay and read this (OH MY GOD WHY?!?) Fasten your seat belts and prepare for me to discuss masturbation. More specifically what I think about while masturbating.
Since I know a grad majority of people who read my blog are my friends some of you know my issues with masturbation. I only masturbate, (you were warned folks), when I feel guilty or feel like I have done wrong, I am aware that this ISN'T healthy and I am working on fixing the problem, it is more of a punishment than pleasurable the most pleasure I get is when it is done and I don't have do it again for awhile. Also what I think about doesn't make sense to me and something I find rather terrible.
I think about giving a men blowjobs. Sometimes I think about this entire world where women do nothing but serve men sexually. There is no consent if a man says to a woman that she will give him a blowjob she does it right away. No questions asked. Sometimes it is just me and a guy and me telling him to smack me in the face with his cock (again, you were WARNED!), make me beg a little bit and shove his cock down my throat. I'm attracted to women, so why do I get off on a "fantasy", I use that term VERY loosely, of a man shoving a cock down my throat?!?
I'm honestly not sure. Maybe I WANT to give a blowjob to a guy at some point in my life, despite NOT being attracted to men in anyway. Why I would want to do that, I don't know. I don't understand. It really doesn't make sense to me. A friend of mine suggested to me that my being into BDSM would help explain it. She said that people into BDSM are turn on by the "undesirable", for lack of a better term, and that since I identify as a lesbian, giving a man a blowjob would the most "undesirable" thing for me to want to do ever! There is a kind of logic to what she said. I'm not sure I like the logic, but it is absolutely there.
The violence of the "fantasy" is something that bothers me. Why does that violence turn me on? In the fantasy I am telling the man that I WANT him to do all this things, does that make the violence OK? These "fantasies" make me very uncomfortable and its probably, at least in part, because I hate that I have a cock. I'm not sure if I ever will fix that problem. That hatred is something that I have felt all my life. I have had to live with something that I haven't felt was a part of me forever and to accept that is hard. My cock is there and apart of me physically, but mentally and emotionally not so much.
My counselor has decided that for our last session, next week Thursday, we will focus entirely on my sexuality. Ugh! The most awkward conversation EVER part three!
Thats all for now.
Bye.
Alright, for those brave souls that have decided to stay and read this (OH MY GOD WHY?!?) Fasten your seat belts and prepare for me to discuss masturbation. More specifically what I think about while masturbating.
Since I know a grad majority of people who read my blog are my friends some of you know my issues with masturbation. I only masturbate, (you were warned folks), when I feel guilty or feel like I have done wrong, I am aware that this ISN'T healthy and I am working on fixing the problem, it is more of a punishment than pleasurable the most pleasure I get is when it is done and I don't have do it again for awhile. Also what I think about doesn't make sense to me and something I find rather terrible.
I think about giving a men blowjobs. Sometimes I think about this entire world where women do nothing but serve men sexually. There is no consent if a man says to a woman that she will give him a blowjob she does it right away. No questions asked. Sometimes it is just me and a guy and me telling him to smack me in the face with his cock (again, you were WARNED!), make me beg a little bit and shove his cock down my throat. I'm attracted to women, so why do I get off on a "fantasy", I use that term VERY loosely, of a man shoving a cock down my throat?!?
I'm honestly not sure. Maybe I WANT to give a blowjob to a guy at some point in my life, despite NOT being attracted to men in anyway. Why I would want to do that, I don't know. I don't understand. It really doesn't make sense to me. A friend of mine suggested to me that my being into BDSM would help explain it. She said that people into BDSM are turn on by the "undesirable", for lack of a better term, and that since I identify as a lesbian, giving a man a blowjob would the most "undesirable" thing for me to want to do ever! There is a kind of logic to what she said. I'm not sure I like the logic, but it is absolutely there.
The violence of the "fantasy" is something that bothers me. Why does that violence turn me on? In the fantasy I am telling the man that I WANT him to do all this things, does that make the violence OK? These "fantasies" make me very uncomfortable and its probably, at least in part, because I hate that I have a cock. I'm not sure if I ever will fix that problem. That hatred is something that I have felt all my life. I have had to live with something that I haven't felt was a part of me forever and to accept that is hard. My cock is there and apart of me physically, but mentally and emotionally not so much.
My counselor has decided that for our last session, next week Thursday, we will focus entirely on my sexuality. Ugh! The most awkward conversation EVER part three!
Thats all for now.
Bye.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Don't Ask, Don't Tell
Generally speaking I don't like to post more than one post a day, but since I doubt anyone is reading this blog except for my friends, love you guys ^_^, and as sometimes happens an issue has come up that makes me rather upset and I feel the need to write to get my anger out. The issue tonight is Don't Ask, Don't Tell America's insane policy on gays and lesbians in the military. Hold on to your seats kiddies as I once again get political on you!
Let me start off by saying that I think America, as a nation, spends far to much on the military. We take money away from education and other things our society is lacking in and give it our military, which to me isn't right. We are spending TONS of money on a war in Iraq that is unjust, started by a "president" that never should have been the president to begin with and that we should get out of ASAP because of those two reasons. I do understand the NEED to have a military in order to protect our country, but the amount we spend on ours is absurd and we should be spending that money on things like education, which this country is lacking in pretty much EVERY category! Having said all that, I also believe that EVERYONE should have the right to serve in the military if they wish. As the situation stands now, some people aren't allowed to serve.
Gays and lesbians can't serve if they are honest with who they are. They can lie and stay in the closet and be allowed in, but this involves a life of secrecy and fear. In the documentary called Ask Not a former soldier talked about how when she went out with her girlfriend to dinner, she had to look around the restaurant to make sure there was no one she knew. If there was and they saw them, she ran the risk of being turned in for "homosexually conduct". This to me is absolute BULLSHIT!
Don't Ask, Don't Tell or DADT was put into place by president Bill Clinton because, in my opinion, he caved to pressure from the right wing of this country. He regrets putting the law into place today accord to the documentary, which shows a voice over of him saying just that to an interviewer. He should have just done what Harry Truman did in 1948, when he signed an executive order saying that African Americans would be allowed in the military no matter what and not be segregated, Clinton should have done the same thing only for gays and lesbians! Basically saying FUCK YOU to everyone who thinks that it is wrong. But no he caved, and put into law something he would later regret. A lot of the support for DADT comes from the argument that gays and lesbians would cause problems with the unity of the military. This is proven wrong by the other countries that ALLOW gays and lesbians to serve openly in the military.
There are 25 countries that allow gays and lesbians to serve openly. They are: Australia, Austria, Belgium, Canada, Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Germany, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Slovenia, South Africa, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, United Kingdom, Uruguay. And NONE of them seem to have ANY issues specifically about gays and lesbians serving openly in the military. In fact most people in these countries, as is the cause here in America, don't GIVE A FLYING FUCK whether they are fighting with openly gay people in the military. According to the film 70% of soldiers in THIS country could give a rats ass if someone is gay and serving with them in the military and yet we still have this INSANE law!
The U.S. military is loosing a large portion of the best and brightest because this law exists. People who are ready, willing and able to fight and possible die for this country are being lost everyday because of "homosexual conduct". There are reports everyday about recruiting numbers NOT being where the military wants them to be. Hmmm, let me think how we could possibly help FIX this problem........Let every single gay or lesbian person who wants to serve openly as a gay or lesbian soldier join?!? Yeah, pretty sure that would at the very least HELP, if not fix the problem completely! Why are we denying people the right to join the military? Other countries have already proven the stupidity of the right wings lead argument, so why are we still having this problem?
I want our president to have the courage to do what Harry Trueman did in 1948. Say fuck you to all the ignorant, stupid people in this country and sign an executive order TELLING the military that they will accept gays and lesbians who are open about who they are! DADT is an INSANE law that NEEDS to go!
Let me start off by saying that I think America, as a nation, spends far to much on the military. We take money away from education and other things our society is lacking in and give it our military, which to me isn't right. We are spending TONS of money on a war in Iraq that is unjust, started by a "president" that never should have been the president to begin with and that we should get out of ASAP because of those two reasons. I do understand the NEED to have a military in order to protect our country, but the amount we spend on ours is absurd and we should be spending that money on things like education, which this country is lacking in pretty much EVERY category! Having said all that, I also believe that EVERYONE should have the right to serve in the military if they wish. As the situation stands now, some people aren't allowed to serve.
Gays and lesbians can't serve if they are honest with who they are. They can lie and stay in the closet and be allowed in, but this involves a life of secrecy and fear. In the documentary called Ask Not a former soldier talked about how when she went out with her girlfriend to dinner, she had to look around the restaurant to make sure there was no one she knew. If there was and they saw them, she ran the risk of being turned in for "homosexually conduct". This to me is absolute BULLSHIT!
Don't Ask, Don't Tell or DADT was put into place by president Bill Clinton because, in my opinion, he caved to pressure from the right wing of this country. He regrets putting the law into place today accord to the documentary, which shows a voice over of him saying just that to an interviewer. He should have just done what Harry Truman did in 1948, when he signed an executive order saying that African Americans would be allowed in the military no matter what and not be segregated, Clinton should have done the same thing only for gays and lesbians! Basically saying FUCK YOU to everyone who thinks that it is wrong. But no he caved, and put into law something he would later regret. A lot of the support for DADT comes from the argument that gays and lesbians would cause problems with the unity of the military. This is proven wrong by the other countries that ALLOW gays and lesbians to serve openly in the military.
There are 25 countries that allow gays and lesbians to serve openly. They are: Australia, Austria, Belgium, Canada, Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Germany, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Slovenia, South Africa, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, United Kingdom, Uruguay. And NONE of them seem to have ANY issues specifically about gays and lesbians serving openly in the military. In fact most people in these countries, as is the cause here in America, don't GIVE A FLYING FUCK whether they are fighting with openly gay people in the military. According to the film 70% of soldiers in THIS country could give a rats ass if someone is gay and serving with them in the military and yet we still have this INSANE law!
The U.S. military is loosing a large portion of the best and brightest because this law exists. People who are ready, willing and able to fight and possible die for this country are being lost everyday because of "homosexual conduct". There are reports everyday about recruiting numbers NOT being where the military wants them to be. Hmmm, let me think how we could possibly help FIX this problem........Let every single gay or lesbian person who wants to serve openly as a gay or lesbian soldier join?!? Yeah, pretty sure that would at the very least HELP, if not fix the problem completely! Why are we denying people the right to join the military? Other countries have already proven the stupidity of the right wings lead argument, so why are we still having this problem?
I want our president to have the courage to do what Harry Trueman did in 1948. Say fuck you to all the ignorant, stupid people in this country and sign an executive order TELLING the military that they will accept gays and lesbians who are open about who they are! DADT is an INSANE law that NEEDS to go!
Buffy the Vampire Slayer 2
"Seize the moment, because tomorrow you may be dead!" Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Buffy to Willow, "Welcome to the Hell Mouth"
As promised, I would like to continue how I relate the characters in the TV show Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I would like to continue with the main character of the show Buffy Summers. She is the "main" hero of the show and also the title character. As Joss Whedon says they, the writers, "put her (Buffy) through her paces". Throughout the entire series her constant dream is to be just like other girls.
At the beginning of the show Buffy is just moving to small town Sunnydale, California after being expelled from her last school for burning down their gym, full of the vampires, and just wants to live a normal life without worrying about the vampires. Unfortunately for Buffy, Sunnydale is on top of a hell mouth and vampires and other nasties really love it there. Yet still, at first, she refuses because she just wants a normal life. Her resistance to take up the fight doesn't last long.
Buffy along the way in the first episode meets Xander and Willow and she becomes fast friends with the two. Willow gets into trouble in part because Buffy tells her to "Seize the moment, because tomorrow you may be dead." (one of my most favorite quotes EVER!) and Willow proceeds to do so by going to talk to a boy, who turns out to be a vampire. Buffy identifies the guy as a vampire and sees Willow go off with him. Buffy, feeling a little bit responsible, but also because she doesn't want to see Willow get hurt, goes and to find them and kill the vampire. Buffy's friends are a lot of the reason she accepts her slayer duties in the end. I don't fully believe she "chooses" to do this, but is forced too because she has no other choice. Buffy is forced to fight all the time.
In the third season episode Homecoming while running away from killers with Cordelia, who she is competing with for Homecoming queen, are in a cabin and Cordy asks Buffy why she cares so much about winning homecoming queen when she gets to have all this, meaning the danger and the fighting. Buffy responds "Because this is all I do! This is what my life is like! I just thought, Homecoming Queen. I could pick up a yearbook someday and say, 'I was there, I went to high school, I had friends and, for one moment, I got to live in the world.' And there'd be proof; proof that I was chosen for something other than this. Besides, I look cute in a tiara." All Buffy does is fight monsters and save the world, she doesn't really do anything else but fight.
As my last post said I feel the same way. Obviously I don't go out every night and kill vampires, would be AMAZING if I did, but I still fight. I don't really do anything else but fight. I don't get a chance to just live in the world and just be me because I am always fighting. I don't really have a choice in whether or not I fight cause I have to deal with the bullshit everyday. I get drained and just want to stop sometime, but I can't. A 31 year old transgender womyn was found murdered in Puerto Rico recently, no doubt because she was transgendered. My own safety and the fact that trans people are constantly being harassed, assaulted, and killed is reason that I can't stop fighting. No breaks, no rest, and no real peace. All of it is emotionally draining and sometimes physically draining.
I have very often wished that I was just like every other girl who didn't have to wonder if people saw her as a girl everyday, but I can't. That is not the hand I have been dealt in life. On really bad days I wish that I was just like every other girl, on the best days I am proud of of the fact that I am not and the average day I go through both feelings equally. Whatever day is happening, it is a fight. A fight within myself to be strong and a fight with the outside world to just let me live my life.
I realize full well that A LOT of what I am saying, minus the specific situation, most, if not all, people can relate to in their own lives. We all have something we are fighting either within ourselves or with societies ignorance and stupidity or both. Joss Whedon has given us a character that I feel everyone can relate to on some level. Being a transgender womyn has allowed me to connect with this fictional hero because I, like her, feel like all I do is fight and sometimes I just want to STOP, but I can't, like she can't.
As promised, I would like to continue how I relate the characters in the TV show Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I would like to continue with the main character of the show Buffy Summers. She is the "main" hero of the show and also the title character. As Joss Whedon says they, the writers, "put her (Buffy) through her paces". Throughout the entire series her constant dream is to be just like other girls.
At the beginning of the show Buffy is just moving to small town Sunnydale, California after being expelled from her last school for burning down their gym, full of the vampires, and just wants to live a normal life without worrying about the vampires. Unfortunately for Buffy, Sunnydale is on top of a hell mouth and vampires and other nasties really love it there. Yet still, at first, she refuses because she just wants a normal life. Her resistance to take up the fight doesn't last long.
Buffy along the way in the first episode meets Xander and Willow and she becomes fast friends with the two. Willow gets into trouble in part because Buffy tells her to "Seize the moment, because tomorrow you may be dead." (one of my most favorite quotes EVER!) and Willow proceeds to do so by going to talk to a boy, who turns out to be a vampire. Buffy identifies the guy as a vampire and sees Willow go off with him. Buffy, feeling a little bit responsible, but also because she doesn't want to see Willow get hurt, goes and to find them and kill the vampire. Buffy's friends are a lot of the reason she accepts her slayer duties in the end. I don't fully believe she "chooses" to do this, but is forced too because she has no other choice. Buffy is forced to fight all the time.
In the third season episode Homecoming while running away from killers with Cordelia, who she is competing with for Homecoming queen, are in a cabin and Cordy asks Buffy why she cares so much about winning homecoming queen when she gets to have all this, meaning the danger and the fighting. Buffy responds "Because this is all I do! This is what my life is like! I just thought, Homecoming Queen. I could pick up a yearbook someday and say, 'I was there, I went to high school, I had friends and, for one moment, I got to live in the world.' And there'd be proof; proof that I was chosen for something other than this. Besides, I look cute in a tiara." All Buffy does is fight monsters and save the world, she doesn't really do anything else but fight.
As my last post said I feel the same way. Obviously I don't go out every night and kill vampires, would be AMAZING if I did, but I still fight. I don't really do anything else but fight. I don't get a chance to just live in the world and just be me because I am always fighting. I don't really have a choice in whether or not I fight cause I have to deal with the bullshit everyday. I get drained and just want to stop sometime, but I can't. A 31 year old transgender womyn was found murdered in Puerto Rico recently, no doubt because she was transgendered. My own safety and the fact that trans people are constantly being harassed, assaulted, and killed is reason that I can't stop fighting. No breaks, no rest, and no real peace. All of it is emotionally draining and sometimes physically draining.
I have very often wished that I was just like every other girl who didn't have to wonder if people saw her as a girl everyday, but I can't. That is not the hand I have been dealt in life. On really bad days I wish that I was just like every other girl, on the best days I am proud of of the fact that I am not and the average day I go through both feelings equally. Whatever day is happening, it is a fight. A fight within myself to be strong and a fight with the outside world to just let me live my life.
I realize full well that A LOT of what I am saying, minus the specific situation, most, if not all, people can relate to in their own lives. We all have something we are fighting either within ourselves or with societies ignorance and stupidity or both. Joss Whedon has given us a character that I feel everyone can relate to on some level. Being a transgender womyn has allowed me to connect with this fictional hero because I, like her, feel like all I do is fight and sometimes I just want to STOP, but I can't, like she can't.
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