A tale of two Births

A tale of two births

This is going to sound really really strange, but I have been born twice. There was the birth where I came kicking and screaming out of my mother and the doctor proclaimed “ITS A BOY!” Oh how wrong he would turn out to be, and then there was the birth of the woman I am today. Both are very important for pretty obvious reasons which is why I am going to talk about both instead of just focusing on one or the other. The latter birth is a lot more interesting and exciting than the former, but the former is still worth talking about a little. So, hold tight kids and enjoy the ride.

I don't know much of the birth where I came kicking and screaming out of my mother's womb. I know that it was in a hospital in Madison and that my father was the first person to hold me and he also named me in that moment. Ever since my father told me that, a few years ago, I have thought that it makes sense that he and I have had such a close relationship being that he was the first person I ever saw. I don't remember that obviously, but it makes sense that we would be close because of it. I also know that originally my mom and dad thought I was going to be a girl. Years later when I would be told I would think, “tell me something I don't know.” It was only in the last few months of the pregnancy that they found out I was boy. Otherwise, I don't know much about that birth. My dad doesn't remember how long my mom was in labor, and since my mom and I aren't on speaking terms I can't ask her. My birth to the woman I am today is much more interesting.

Unlike the birth where I came kicking and screaming from my mother, the second birth didn't really involve any physical pain for me or anyone else. There was a lot of emotional pain suffered on my part, since I had been struggling with this feeling for 16 years, and my family, some of whom felt like they were suffering the loss of child, but there was no physical pain to speak of. It is hard to say when my second birth took place. The day I started the hormones could be one option. The day I met the person who changed my life could be another option. However, for the sake of time I am going to say that the birth took place the day I got prescribed the hormones.

January, 19th 2006, 16 days after my 17th birthday, I was prescribed the hormones. That week was also finals week of my first semester of my Junior year in high school. I skipped a final in order to go see my doctor to get prescribed the hormones. I was very excited that day. I had no idea what I would have to do in order to get them, but I knew I would do almost anything to get them. As I was waiting for the nurse to call me and my dad in I thought “Its almost over. All the pain and confusion I have felt all my life is going to lessen.”

All the bullshit therapy I had to go through, the constant wondering and yearning for this day, the constant feeling of depression I had felt all my life because of this issue, it was all almost over. I knew full well that the hormones wouldn't solve everything, but I knew it would be a giant step in the right direction in figuring who I was as a person. The nurse called us fairly quickly after we got there. She took my weight, blood pressure and all the other usual things they ask before they send the doctor in. She left and shortly after the doctor came in. He sat down and explain what dose he was going to prescribe me, told me about the possible side affects (I couldn't care less), and then handed me a form my dad and I, because I was only 17, had to sign that just explained everything he told me and then wrote the scripts.

I was grinning from ear to ear all day long. Told all my close friends, who knew I was trans, and they were so happy for me. After I was done with school I waited with anticipation for my dad to come home with the hormones. He got home at about 6 or so and I was at the door to meet him. I took the pill bottles inside my hand and just held them for a little while. I could feel the pain and confusion that I had all those years melt away. At around 10 just before I went to bed, I took them for the first time. I could feel the calming effect of them almost instantly. I slept like a baby that night, knowing that tomorrow would look a little bit brighter and that my life was on the right track.